You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
