So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
