too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Randomize
