Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
