ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize