I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
