In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
This girl is more easily done than said...
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
