I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i think i have two assholes
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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