So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
