I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
