Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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