don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
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