shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
