You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
No subtext here. People are naked.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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