I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
