moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
