she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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