well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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