He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
