My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
