i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
how do flat chested girls get laid?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize