I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
