I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
