i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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