I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
