hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
