I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
