Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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