I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
