if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
