Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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