Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
