Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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