My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
