I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I am puke
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
