Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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