i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
