Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Randomize
