There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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