Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
