At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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