I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
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