I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
