but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
