going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
