Im at strip club and am horny
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
