I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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