If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Just invented taco cereal.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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