it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
