Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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