That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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