Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize