Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
