Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
