dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
