i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize