I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
