There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize