Heybabeimwearingurpanties
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
