I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
