Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize