just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
