So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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