I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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