If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
