You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
