Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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