your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
