u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
