He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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