I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
