I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
