i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
