remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i will never coherently bang her
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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