dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
