Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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