i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
