your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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