I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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