i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
