It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
