I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
