biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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