i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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