No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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