This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
