Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
