i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
