Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize